Do you struggle to sleep because your partner is living with obstructive sleep apnea (OSA)? This is surprisingly common and can be particularly frustrating when you care for your partner — and also really want to get a good night’s rest.

If you’re feeling this frustration, here’s what you need to know. There are actions that you and your partner can take to help ensure you get the rest you need and they get the medical care they deserve.

Why Sleep Apnea Can Cause Insomnia in Partners

People with sleep apnea have airways that partially or completely collapse when they’re sleeping. This means they don’t always get enough oxygen while they’re sleeping, which can be dangerous for them in a number of ways.

Many of the symptoms of sleep apnea can be disruptive for partners who are trying to share a bed with the affected person. These symptoms include:

• Significant or loud snoring
• Choking
• Gasping
• Moving around at night, including tossing, turning, jerking, thrashing, or kicking

All of these can make it hard to sleep next to someone who lives with sleep apnea.

In addition, knowing that your partner isn’t breathing well at night and listening to that happen can cause fear and anxiety, which can also make it harder to sleep well. If you also understand how dangerous sleep apnea can be to your partner’s health, these feelings can be even more intense.

If sleep apnea isn’t treated, it can affect everything from the health of their heart and lungs to their mental health. It can also make it unsafe for them to drive, because they’re so tired from not getting restorative sleep. It can also negatively affect their quality of life.

When you put all these together, it’s no wonder that partners of people with sleep apnea often end up with insomnia themselves. Hopefully, you and your partner can come up with solutions that will work for both of you.

How To Improve Your Sleep When Your Partner Has Sleep Apnea

There are a number of steps you can take to get better sleep even when your partner is living with sleep apnea.

1. Get Them a Diagnosis and Treatment

If your partner isn’t diagnosed with sleep apnea, part of supporting them may mean helping them get a diagnosis and finding a sleep apnea treatment option that works for them. You can help them get an appointment for a sleep study at a sleep clinic, or they may be able to use an at-home device to get a diagnosis. Your partner may need to see a sleep medicine specialist or other healthcare providers as well.

Part of supporting your partner may mean helping them get a diagnosis and finding a sleep apnea treatment plan.

Afterward, you can support them as they decide whether to use a continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) machine or an oral appliance to support their airway while they sleep. If they need surgery to correct the issue, you can be there for them while they heal from that, too.

CPAP machines and oral appliances are effective ways to treat sleep apnea. When sleep apnea is treated effectively, both you and your partner should sleep better. They will be able to breathe, and you won’t have to deal with either the symptoms of sleep apnea or the fear and anxiety of knowing your partner is living with a serious, untreated medical issue.

2. Change Your Partner’s Sleep Position

If your partner is open to it, changing their sleep position may help reduce their sleep apnea episodes. This will reduce the symptoms they experience that keep you up at night, too.

If your partner is open to it, changing their sleep position may help reduce their sleep apnea episodes.

Studies show that sleeping on the side can reduce sleep disruptions. The tissues in the throat are less likely to block the airway in this position. Sleeping on the side also reduces snoring. Sleeping on your back increases the risk of airway obstruction. You and your partner can work together to figure out how they can sleep so you both get the rest you need.

Note that this isn’t a substitute for getting them the diagnosis and treatment they need. It can help, though, if you have to wait to see a sleep specialist or get an appointment at a sleep clinic.

3. Look Into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) offers you the chance to change the way you think and feel about sleep so you can fall asleep and stay that way. It can help you learn not to fight sleep and how to trick your body into sleeping even when you’re anxious, worried, and afraid.

These techniques may be especially effective for people who are awake because they're anxious about their partner’s health.

4. Block the Noise

If the sound of your partner’s snoring is getting to you, finding a way to block the noise may help you get better rest. There are a lot of ways you can do this. Earplugs are an obvious choice, though some people find they aren’t enough to block loud snoring.

Listening to white noise via an app or a sound machine, or even turning on a fan, may help. But again, that may not be loud enough to help some people sleep through the kinds of sounds that people with sleep apnea make.

You may need to find a combination of these approaches that works for you. There are nighttime headphones and earbuds available that have noise-canceling or noise-isolating features. You might want to use noise-canceling headphones that play white noise — along with earplugs — to most effectively block loud snoring caused by your partner’s sleep apnea.

5. Sleep Separately

If you just can’t get the rest you need in bed with your partner, you may have to find a way to sleep separately until they can get effective treatment for their sleep apnea. Getting farther away from someone who’s snoring or making other noises at night may make it easier to block those sounds using the techniques outlined above.

If you just can’t get the rest you need in bed with your partner, you may have to find a way to sleep separately until they can get OSA treatment.

If you have the option, moving to a different room for a while may help you sleep better. This option may mean that you won’t even have to use earplugs, white noise, or headphones at all.

If you don’t have that option or you really want to be in the same room as your partner, try setting up a second bed. Even moving fewer than 10 feet away from your partner can make the sound of their snoring easier to block.

Alternatively, it may help you to go to sleep before your partner does. If you can sleep through their snoring but you can’t fall asleep while they’re snoring, making sure you’re in bed earlier than they are may help you get the rest you need.

6. Set Up a Sleep Routine

While making lifestyle changes to set up a sleep routine won’t help reduce the symptoms of sleep apnea that your partner experiences, it can make it more likely that you’ll be able to fall asleep and stay asleep. This can include strategies like:

• Sleeping and waking at the same time every day
• Staying away from electronic devices in the hour or so before you try to sleep
• Avoiding things like nicotine, alcohol, and caffeine close to bedtime
• Avoiding eating, especially large meals, close to bedtime
• Making sure your bed is comfortable, your room is the right temperature, and it’s dark enough to sleep well
• Getting regular physical activity or exercise five or six hours before you want to sleep
• Building time into your schedule for relaxing and winding down before you try to sleep

Taking these actions can set you up to get your best possible sleep. It’s not foolproof, but it sets you up for better rest every night.

Join the Conversation

On MySleepApneaTeam, people share their experiences with obstructive sleep apnea, get advice, and find support from others who understand.

How do you make sure you get enough sleep even though your partner lives with sleep apnea? Let others know in the comments below.